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RE: Husband touches me when I'm alseep - 1/23/2010 2:07:50 AM
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dboe
Posts: 122
Joined: 1/19/2009
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WOW. Some people would say thats being assaulted? I never thought of it that way. But I feel I have been insensitve to inital poster. Initial poster, if it makes you feel uncomfortable talk to him about it. It doesnt really matter what other peoples experiences are (I feel like some kind of freak right now actually). If anything is bothering you with your mate, discuss it it will help intimacy regardless. A marraige should be an open forum for communication...
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RE: Husband touches me when I'm alseep - 1/23/2010 11:03:13 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 3262
Joined: 4/12/2005
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dboe, I think the main point you're missing here is consent. You're ok with your husband having sex with you while you sleep, the OP is not ok with her husband touching her while she sleeps, and she has every right to not be ok with it. Personally, I question any man who would enjoy sex with an unconscious woman, but that's not the main point.
Any man or woman should respect reasonable boundaries concerning their spouse and sex. Yes, we should not deprive each other, but anyone has a right to say that they do not feel comfortable with a specific act, and their spouse must respect that, or they are an abuser.
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Well behaved women rarely make the history books.
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RE: Husband touches me when I'm alseep - 1/23/2010 3:34:57 PM
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SurpassingPeace
Posts: 1340
Joined: 11/21/2007
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I asked my husband and he looked at my funny. His response was," Why would I want to if you aren't participating?" I thought it was strange myself.
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Karen
Proud Member of the Imperfect Wives' Club
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RE: Husband touches me when I'm alseep - 1/25/2010 2:11:27 AM
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michele_erin
Posts: 268
Joined: 5/8/2006
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I guess the way I look at it is that my husband will touch me, but then I immediately wake up. I also know that he is being loving and kind, and if I wasn't participating he wouldn't continue. He stops when I tell him I'm really too tired. There have been times that I reach over and touch him in the hopes to wake him up -- he always wakes up and is happy that I woke him up. If he was still snoozing, of course, I wouldn't continue. Again, I cannot imagine sleeping so soundly (unless very medicated) that I wouldn't wake up to my husband touching me.
Also, if the OP is bothered by it then he should respect her boundaries. Are there underlying issues from past experiences (rape, molestation, etc) that trigger that kind of response to what seems as unwanted? That was my thought -- I'm sorry if that might upset you.
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RE: Husband touches me when I'm alseep - 1/26/2010 2:47:47 PM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 740
Joined: 7/13/2007
From: The South
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I can understand how the OP would feel uneasy with this kind of behavior. It would totally creep me out. There's just something wrong with a person who wants to have sex with a person who is unconscious. I'd be afraid to sleep at night. (read "terrified") IMO unless there is previous consent it is rape. I mean, what's the difference between that and men who use the date rape drug (i.e. sex with unconscious women)?
That is completely different from a husband or wife trying to wake their partner up to enjoy some lovin' in the middle of the night.Huge difference between a loving touch and waking up to husband having sex (or sexual acts) with you.
No way would my husband want to make love to me while I was unconscious. He'd find that creepy too. He doesn't even want to do it if he can tell I'm willing but not totally focused or in the mood. God bless him....he's a wonderfully considerate husband.
_____________________________
Galations 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
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RE: Husband touches me when I'm alseep - 1/30/2010 3:13:16 PM
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SurpassingPeace
Posts: 1340
Joined: 11/21/2007
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quote:
That is completely different from a husband or wife trying to wake their partner up to enjoy some lovin' in the middle of the night.Huge difference between a loving touch and waking up to husband having sex (or sexual acts) with you.
Oh yes, it is a HUGE difference. The second really just sends chills down my spine when I even think about it.
_____________________________
Karen
Proud Member of the Imperfect Wives' Club
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RE: Husband touches me when I'm alseep - 2/26/2010 6:49:08 PM
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lpYazzie
Posts: 5
Joined: 2/26/2010
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I was once abused sexually as a child by a family member and to deal w something like this is really hard especially if u are not grounded in Christ. To make matters worse, my husband began running around having affairs w other women. It drove me away from him intimately, so I can understand ur feelings on this here becuz my husband was the same way when he came home at night. I couldn't stand it when he tried to touch me. I would pop out of bed and grab me a separate blanket to sleep w. Anyway, one day the Holy Spirit spoke to both of us. He told us that the devil had stolen 17 yrs of our marriage. He told us that we needed to forgive each other for all the wrong we'd done and start a brand new life together, but w Christ. He told us not to ever bring up the past to each other again. To let it go. So, we began a new relationship and we included Jesus. He has been mending our marriage since. And we now have respect for one another. My friend, give all ur hurt to Jesus. U cannot carry ur own burdens. Cast them into the hands of the Lord. Walk by faith and not by sight, saith the Lord.
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This post makes total sense to me, and I am in complete agreement ---> it's how I think I would feel if I were married.
